The 15 best ways to get COVID this fall

1. Live in Blackstock or join the theater department 

2. Join every sorority girl on campus for photo ops at Rader Family Farms without masks

3. Attend ISU

4. Go downtown to the bars *BONUS* share drinks with your friends at said bars 

5. Like your friends’ masks better than your own? Swap ‘em! 

6. Eat inside at every restaurant in town  

7. Test out how many people can fit in a Munsell/Ferguson dorm room

8. Throw a huge party for your 21st and make sure none of the attendees get tested 

9. Get 50 of your closest friends for an intimate maskless study session on the quad, or better yet, in your Gates apartment   

10. Visit friends at different colleges across the country every weekend, never get tested or quarantine between visits 

11. Enter the grocery store with your mask on and then move it to your chin once you’re past the worker at the door  

12.  Never, EVER wash your hands or use hand sanitizer 

13. If you feel that you need to cough or sneeze make sure to pull down your mask to do that 

14. Always wipe your nose with your hand and touch your face as much as possible

15. Re-elect Donald Trump on November 3 

HAPPY FALL FROM THE ARGUS, BE SMART AND STAY HEALTHY!