I actually have a boyfriend this year!
Pandemic.
Johnny helped us with this.
All he gave us was “Cupid: peepee, Arrow: poopoo.”
Peepee.
Poopoo.
You are getting laid tonight.
You are laying in bed taking a depression nap.
“Let me slip into something a little more comfortable. . .”
It’s a mask.
Kids in elementary school get to have their cute little valentine’s day parties.
They can’t exchange cute little valentines bc of COVID. 
You think you saw your soulmate across the quad.
Then they take the mask off…
You’re an astrology GF.
Mercury’s in retrograde this Valentine’s day.
Your ex-girlfriend just released her first EP and it’s really good!
It’s literally all about you.
He’s got a big bulge. 
It’s his nose. In his mask.
Hundreds of Tinder matches calling me pretty.
I don’t want to catch COVID or feelings so I refuse to meet up with them.