2020 Sucks Royal Hippogriff

Sarah Buchmann

The Great Pause Coronavirus 2020 Symbol Flag.
Photo: Wikimedia Commons

Finally, our semester is coming to an end. And with the end of the fall semester comes winter break, and with winter break comes the end of 2020. 

About time. 

This past year has been ridiculous. If you can believe it, it was nearly a year ago that Donald Trump was impeached, only eight months since we were first locked into the stages in and out of quarantine and introduced to the nightmare docuseries we know as Tiger King, teased with actual footage of UFOs released from the government and, of course, who could forget the side plot of murder hornets that was never actually wrapped up? 

But if anybody thought that 2020 would be slowing down in these last few weeks, they were certainly proven wrong. 

The first week of November decided to royally f*ck everyone. 

Going into last week, we all knew it would be stressful. 

We had just gotten out of an actual Halloweekend and a full moon, and Tuesday brought election stress to those who had and hadn’t mailed in their ballots. But then Tuesday night stretched into Wednesday and Wednesday turned into Thursday, et cetera et cetera, until we finally had election results on Saturday morning. But believe it or not, the election was not the craziest thing to come out of last week. A few highlights, for those of you who live under a rock:

  1. Rudy Giuliani, the walking corpse, accidentally booked the Four Seasons Total Landscaping outdoor space for Trump’s press conference instead of the Four Seasons hotel. This landscaping company is next door to an adult bookstore, near a crematorium and down the street from a jail. Honestly, it could have been worse.
  1. Fans of the hit CW show Supernatural were finally granted the gay moment they’ve been dreaming of since the early 2010s. Castiel, the fallen angel, finally professed his love for the main character Dean Winchester, who had nothing to say back. Some fans say it’s homophobic because the Gay Angel was immediately thrown into MegaHell (TM); others are just happy that the imagined couple was acknowledged. I’m just relieved that Tumblr is back to its chaotic fandom-based content again. 
  1. Vladimir Putin may or may not have resigned from his dictatorship – I mean, his presidency. The Kremlin has said that Putin is in good health and is not planning to step down, but I haven’t seen any photos of him shirtless or riding grizzly bears lately, so I’m not sure he’s feeling his best. Well, at least the gay community got some good news with Supernatural.
  1. Another meltdown on Tumblr: Sherlock, the BBC hit miniseries starring Benedryl Cucumbersnatch and Martin Freeman, is rumored to return for a fifth season. Technically the series did end in 2017, with a fourth season that fans refuse to acknowledge because it was that terrible, but maybe there’s something to look forward to. (Remember being in middle school and saying you were a “fangirl?” Crazy. What I would say to that girl now…)
  1. Alex Trebek passed away after a long battle with pancreatic cancer. The host of every sick kid’s favorite TV show to watch during the day (Jeopardy), will be remembered in SNL sketches played by Will Ferrell. 
  1. Both Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks brought back their holiday-themed cups. No further commentary is necessary.
  1. See the Bachelorette column for a good example of “transition of power,” something the US government could learn from.

Here’s hoping that 2020 takes it easy these next few weeks and gives us a much-needed break. And, of course, let’s hope that the murder hornets stay away from this plotline.