Ask Anna: you, your friend and their special someone

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Anna Lowenthal, Editor-in-Chief

 

Q: Dear Anna, my friend is spending a lot of time with their significant other and I feel like I’m being pushed away. What do I do to get my friend back?

A: While you shouldn’t go plotting some elaborate scheme to break up your friend and their beau, there are ways for you to get more quality time with your friend even though they’re wrapped up in their relationship and may have forgotten your importance to them for the time being.

There’s always a difficult ‘adjustment period’ when you or your friend begin a relationship. Naturally, you’ll see less of each other than you’re used to, and it’s because somebody else has entered the equation.

There have been times where you’ve ditched your friends because of your relationship, and now, the same is happening to you.

With that said, try to be a little understanding. It isn’t like your friend doesn’t care about you anymore, or that they don’t enjoy your company – they’re just sharing their time between more people than before, which consequently means you’ll get less of it.

You don’t have to spend every waking minute with them like you used to when both of you were single. While they might not spend the entire day watching Netflix and eating chocolate-covered pretzels with you, that doesn’t mean that the time you do spend together isn’t valuable.

If it’s gotten past the point of ‘be a little understanding’ and moves into the realm of ‘I haven’t seen you in six weeks,’ then, by all means, you need to say something. Let them know that there are other people in their life who care about them and want to spend time with them.

There’s no shame in telling your friend that you miss them and would like to have some quality time with them. Things change when you get into relationships, and maintaining friendships while being someone’s other half can be a little difficult at times.

Don’t tell them they’ve been spending too much time with their boo-thing, as that’s a sensitive subject. Instead, let them know that it’s been a while since you’ve had some time together, and you’d really like to chill out with your friend. They should get the hint and be happy you asked to hang out with them.

Remember that you don’t always need alone time with your friend. If you’re the kind of person that just likes to Netflix and chill, why not try to do it with your friend and their significant other? You might find that you make great friends with your friend’s special-friend. If so, everybody’s friends, and you all get to hang out!

Make the effort to enjoy the company of your friends’ special someone, and you’re guaranteed to be spending more time with your friend, too. Just make sure you don’t let yourself feel like or become a third wheel. Nobody enjoys hanging out with their friends while they make out to The Notebook for the fourth time this week. So if that starts to happen, make sure you speak up and let them know to keep their displays of affection out of the public eye.

Don’t fret – you’re still friends with your best bud even if you’re not seeing as much of them as you used to. Just remember to be sympathetic, let them know how you feel and make an effort to hang out with their significant other. You’ll be back to a happy friendship in no time.