Wacky News: An all-you-can-eat buffet of weirdness

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Anna Lowenthal, Editor-in-Chief

 

Food is a common component of every day life – we usually don’t see it as anything wacky. But these three, real-life news stories might change the way you think about your snacks.

 

Salsa Slayer

On Sunday, March 29, a 50-year-old resident from Akron, Ohio named Phyllis Jefferson stabbed her 61-year-old boyfriend in the groin after he allegedly ate all of her salsa.

Her boyfriend, Ronnie D. Bucker, told the police that he and Jefferson were arguing about the amount of salsa he had eaten when Jefferson stabbed him in the groin with a pen, tried to throw a television at him. She then proceeded to run to the kitchen, grab a knife and cut him in the stomach.

Bucker called 911 and was taken to a nearby hospital that treated him for his injuries, which were non-life threatening.

When police eventually caught and arrested Jefferson, she admitted to stabbing her boyfriend “because she wanted to leave [him].”

 

Moral of the story: Sometimes, finishing the last of the salsa can end in even spicier consequences.

 

The Real-Life Heisenbergs

A family-owned pizzeria in St. Paul, Minnesota was busted on Friday, March 27 for having a little more on the menu than advertised. Ryan Dimitri Brooks, owner of Dimitri’s Classic Pizza and Ice Cream, as well as his mother and his grandmother, were arrested for selling marijuana through their pizzeria business and for using the pizzeria to launder drug money.

The police began investigating Dimitri’s Pizza after Brooks made hefty cash-only deposits of almost $200,000 between January and October of 2013, despite the business rarely being open and not pulling in customers.

The family’s fate was sealed when U.S. Postal Inspectors intercepted packages containing 37 pounds of marijuana that were addressed to the 82-year-old grandmother of the family.

 

Moral of the story: If your pizza costs upwards of $75, you might be getting a little more than the extra toppings you asked for.

 

Late-Night Cravings

What might seem like an act of an incredibly intoxicated 24-year-old was actually carried out by a 4-year-old girl in a purple raincoat.

The little girl, a resident of Philadelphia, allegedly left her home around 3:00 a.m. on Friday, March 27 and hopped on a bus in search of an after-midnight snack.

Harlan Jennifer, the bus driver, said that the girl swung her legs in a seat as she chanted, “All I want is a slushie.”

Jennifer, a father of three himself, said that he found the girl’s adventure funny and that he knew she was in good hands. He stopped the bus, called the police and took the girl to a local hospital, where she was reunited with her mother.

 

Moral of the story: If you want something, just put on your raincoat and go get it.